A client recently, complained about wanting to be herself; she was tired of a lifetime of playing different roles, as she saw it. “I still don’t know who I really am,” she bemoaned. “It makes me feel so disingenuous too.”

In extreme cases such a dilemma might require more serious help but often, as here, a different light shed on the matter is all that is needed for someone to see herself as a ‘relational’ being – constantly shaping and being shaped by those around her.

Child psychologist John Bowlby suggested that life is best organised as a series of daring ventures from a secure base. 

The question, of course, is how to go about securing the safety. What helps people feel safe?

If you experience your life as a constant barrage of ‘must-do’s’ and demands set by other people – teachers, colleagues, family members, the tax-man or the inbox of your emails – it’s time to stop and change things.

You don’t have to feel trapped. A small change can make a huge difference in how you feel...

After 10 years as a human givens therapist, it still fascinates me that what at first sight seem to be diverse threads to a person's story are so often in some deep sense connected. 

Lucy’s experience beautifully illustrates my point, as the resolution of her seemingly disparate problems came from information she offered me as an aside, a sort of throwaway remark. This is her story as she tells it, focusing on the elements that were most remarkable for her. Afterwards, I offer my own comments...