“What is wrong with you?!” - The Highly Sensitive Person
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Maybe your ‘wrongness’ says more about your ‘rightness’ than you yet realise.
Highly Sensitive People
Research findings by leading experts in the field show that HSPs - or highly sensitive people - manifest more neurological brain activity when exposed to other people’s feelings, or pictures of emotions in others, than the average person.
About 20% of the population 'suffers' - and often quietly so - from these high levels of sensitivity. Growing up as an HSP can be difficult and confusing. Over-sensitivity and the fussing that can go with it, is seen as a flaw in western culture.
I meet HSPs in my practice all the time. They don’t come in with badges marked HSP. In fact, it’s the secondary stuff - like anxiety and depression - resulting from the difficulties of living in a continual state of overwhelm, that brings these people through the door.
One little girl that came to me had the habit of just breaking down in tears at what seemed unlikely moments. On closer inspection they were always times of great excitement like a school performance, a party or family gathering.
Another girl would not be able to focus on me if there was a fly in the room too, or if she could hear the hum of a computer. The breathing of others in her school dormitory keeps her awake for hours at night.
My Experience as an HSP
Some years ago there was a terrible outbreak of foot and mouth disease in Britain and most of our cattle were killed. My distress manifested in a frightening attack of something similar. For four days my entire mouth was filled with painful blisters and my hands were un-usable for the same reason.
When my dogs suffer distress, my body picks up their pain.
What are the main characteristics of an HSP?
They feel things more deeply than others, get easily overwhelmed and distressed by noise, bright lights, smells or other people’s feelings. Because of their intensity they get more tired from ‘ordinary’ life, including exposure to electronics or electromagnetic smog generally. They are extra sensitive to food and feel more easily let down or misunderstood by others. They connect naturally with the sublime in nature, music, and art.
For a more comprehensive list consult this article in the Huffington Post.
If these characteristics sound familiar but you’re still unsure, you can find an HSP test on Dr. Elaine Aron’s website. She is generally considered the leading expert in the field and has written some important books on the topic. Among them are: The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You and The Undervalued Self.
So, if you’re an HSP, how do you manage it and thrive in a world which can cause so much overwhelm?
Here are My 7 Top Tips for Staying Balanced and Bringing Out the Best in You
1. A few hours of ‘drifting time’ every day. This down time can be used for meditation, yoga, pottering, walking the dogs, or washing the dishes. It is very private time, when you are not accountable to anyone else and turn off computers and telephones. (If you know that you have to face a situation with a lot of stimuli such as an event with lots of people, account for the fact you might be drained and will need some time to recuperate after.)
2. Take one whole day off a week. By this I mean completely off - to connect with nature and friends, pursue your favourite sport or catch up on your reading. These loosely planned days are often a source of great adventure. (Dr. Aron encourages people to restore the ‘Sabbath’ and take 4 single weeks off during the year. This she says is more beneficial than one long holiday.)
3. Make time for your real friends, wherever they are in the world. These are your soul-mates or the ones whom you know will sit at your sickbed. They are also easy to overlook because they are either too close or too far away. Make a point of contacting them at least once a week.
4. Get enough sleep. This usually means 7-8 hours every night to be well-rested. Lack of sleep is already known to cause irritability and a lack of concentration/productivity for the average person and this is heightened when you’re an HSP. You need to be able to give yourself the best fighting chance in an overwhelming world.
5. Create a peaceful corner. If your space allows, create a specific area in your home that is used only used for ‘relaxing’. That could be a comfy chair where you go to sit and read when you need to wind down. Or a spot in your garden that you can retreat to. The only task of that place is to help you regroup and nothing else.
6. Avoid unnecessary stimuli. That means keeping clear of caffeine and perhaps even turning the lights down in your home. Take a moment to look around your own environment to see how there can be ‘less’ of things that might be causing you unwarranted stress.
7. Give yourself enough time to do things. HSP’s don’t tend to cope well with too many things to do in a little amount of time. Make it a habit to plan and prioritise and give yourself plenty of time to do it and then some. That could also mean going to bed earlier and waking up before everyone else to ensure you have a peaceful environment to complete tasks before the world starts waking up. Life unfortunately cannot be planned to the minute all the time but hopefully if you implement some of my suggestions, it will provide you with the tools to be able to cope when the day throws you a curveball.
Without this important self-care, a permanent state of overwhelm will lead to neurotic behaviour.
Fields that are left fallow will yield greater crops, or, quoting from the gnostic gospel of St Thomas, I am reminded of Jesus’ profound words:
‘If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you.’
I also want to point you in the direction of three other articles which relate to being a Highly Sensitive Person that you might also find beneficial.
About Renée
Renée van der Vloodt ( M.A. , FHGI ) is a psychotherapist and coach – and has had a private practice for over 20 years, which is now based in Woodchurch (near Ashford), Kent. She also works with people around the world via online sessions.
Renée works with children and adults as a coach and therapist to help them overcome life's challenges and emotional difficulties including stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anger or addictive behaviour.
Renée is a regular contributor to Breathe Magazine and the author of the CD Calm the Chaos of the Creative Mind.
