A close friend, well into her 90s and who has therefore seen nearly 100 Januaries come and go, said to me recently that this is definitely ‘the lowest point in the year’. The only way is up.

New Year’s resolutions can reignite our hopeful hearts and give us the impetus we need to work towards changes – however small – to make our own lives more satisfying and the world around us a better place to inhabit.

With the help of other friends – all of them gardeners – I have started seeing my resolutions as a process, a way of tapping into something already underway and present, rather than a momentary decision to be grasped out of thin air.

The Process of New Year’s Resolutions

Spring comes to gardeners much earlier than it does to the rest of us. They are tuned into the stirrings of new life underfoot, long before others notice the ultimate display of spring flowers. They know where they want to put their attention and leap at the first shoots of green when these are barely visible to the naked eye. One friend wrapped herself around a birch tree in my garden and put her ear to the trunk, already excited at the prospect of hearing the sap rise up the tree in a few months time.

Another friend – to whom I am forever indebted – sparked in me the joy of winter gardening and in so doing she helped me deepen my New Year’s resolutions into a process. This, it turns out, is so much more fun than the ‘on your marks, get set, go’ approach that inevitably fizzles out somewhere in the year.

Thanks to her, I have been sweeping paths, trimming back dead foliage and sharpening the edges of grassy verges. She also showed me how to stand back and look at what’s already there and decide how to sharpen and enhance its look. We focussed on how it appears in juxtaposition and in context with other things. I loved how this made me see what needs to change, stay, be moved or removed - creating the guide to unearthing my New Year’s resolutions.

Prune and Enhance

When looking at the shape of a winter shrub – brought starkly in focus without its foliage – it becomes obvious how best to prune it. You realise which branches to reduce in size or remove completely, to enhance the entire plant.

By applying this process to my life and what it looks like, my New Year’s resolutions have become the chosen way to highlight aspects that have become overshadowed or underused and deserve better. I notice what I am enjoying, what brings benefit and continues to be worthy of pursuit.

Spending a few hours at a time tidying files and cupboards, is revealing abandoned interests and creating space for projects already under way as well as for me, to move more freely.

Thinking about what I do with my time – from day to day – and where I put my attention, has brought clearly into view how pernicious the mobile phone is; as throttling as bindweed can be. I know I want to check in with my intention to reduce my time on it every day, for the habit to be curtailed.

What can you do?

What about you? Are you feeding your curiosity in a healthy way, or do you compulsively grab your phone too?

What attitude would you like to foster in a world that sometimes seems hellbent on self-destruction? Maybe offering kindness to ourselves, those we meet and those we seek out, is the best attitude to practice this year?

Or, perhaps we could rekindle our ability to truly listen to others once in a while. Being heard – by a real person - has become a rare commodity now social media and automation substitute the genuine exchange. There is no need to accept the erosion of our connectedness. We can decide to show up more and what better time to get the process under way than now.

Whatever you decide, let your resolutions be guided by your most authentic values in order to get a fair chance at growing into the best version of yourself.

I hope you give your New Year’s resolutions the opportunity to reveal themselves and that 2020 unfolds in fruitful and happy ways!

About Renée

Renée van der Vloodt ( M.A. , FHGI ) is a psychotherapist and coach – and has had a private practice for over 20 years, which is now based in Woodchurch (near Ashford), Kent. She also works with people around the world via online sessions.

Renée works with children and adults as a coach and therapist to help them overcome life's challenges and emotional difficulties including stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anger or addictive behaviour.

Renée is a regular contributor to Breathe Magazine and the author of the CD Calm the Chaos of the Creative Mind.